Why did the chicken cross the road?
Grandpa : In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Chicken Joke
A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running alongside his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him, as he was doing 50 mph. He accelerated to 60, and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 mph, and the chicken passed him. The man noticed that the chicken had three legs. So he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer, "What's up with these chickens?" The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs, so I bred a three-legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire." The man asked him how they tasted. The farmer said, "Don't know, haven't caught one yet."

How many "Blue Peter" presenters does it take to change a light bulb?
Four; one to make a new bulb out of an empty bleach bottle, one to do the changing and one to show you how you can make an interesting Christmas tree ornament out of the old one. And one to stop the baby elephant destroying the TV studio

How many Doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
~ None; they just tell it to take two aspirin and get plenty of rest.
~ One; but he needs a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.
~ Two; one to change the bulb and one to sign the death certificate.
~ Three; one to diagnose the problem, one to prescribe a new bulb ... and one to watch the nurse change it

How many Supermen does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

Homework – 1
Johnny, where's your homework?" Asked teacher, more in hope than expectation.
"Sorry, Miss", said Johnny, "I couldn't do it, there was too much noise at home"
"Noise? All evening? What kind of noise?"
"It was the television, Miss, It was just too loud. I couldn't do the homework"
"Now Johnny", said Teacher, patiently, "You could have asked them to turn the sound down, surely?"
"No, I couldn't, Miss. There was no-one else in the room!"

HomeWork – 2
Johnny, where's your homework?" Asked teacher, more in hope than expectation.
"My dog ate it," was his confident reply.
"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"
"It's true, Miss, I swear," insisted the boy. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"

HomeWork – 3

One day, Mary came home from school, and said to her mother,
"Mummy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do."
"But that's terrible!" mother exclaimed, " I'm going to have a word with your teacher about this ....by the way, what was it that you didn't do?"
Mary replied "My homework."

Crime doesn't pay
Weird or what?

Crime doesn't pay
Police noticed a man driving his car, and they assumed he was drunk. Not because he was meandering, but because he had the top of a traffic light pole (including the lights) across the bonnet of his car. When questioned he said, "I thought the lights came with the car."
A man was charged with negligent assult after he shot his wife's hat thinking it was a rat. The hat was on his wife's head at the time. The same man had previously shot himself in the foot while trying to shoot a rat.
An inmate escaped from jail and led police on a long chase sometimes reaching 150 mph. When he was caught he stated that he intended to turn himself in all along. He was driving fast because he wanted to get far enough ahead from the police to make it clear he was going to stop.
Federal Agents searched an man's house because they believed he possessed illegal drugs. They searched everywhere, and were about to assume that he moved, when they heard a noise coming from the frige. They looked inside and there was the man, calmly drinking a soda.
Customs officers noticed a woman that wouldn't stop scratching her chest. They were kind, and didn't mention anything, at first, but she never stopped. They searched her and found 75 live snakes that she was trying to smuggle.

Weird or what?
Austrailia- A man was diagnosed with lead poisoning after he ate three feet of electrical cable a day. He said, "It had a sweet and pleasant taste, especially near the center."
Men are 6 times more likely to be struck by lightning than women.
Americans choke on toothpicks more that anything else.
A lump of pure gold the size of a matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the size of a tennis court. (So perhaps having tennis court with a gold floor wouldn't be too expensive. Something to save up for.)